And that got me to thinking about the research I did for my doctorate. I did a really deep study of the concept of grit - how we leverage passion and persistence in the pursuit of long-term goals. I found a number of things that were (to me) interesting, but the one salient to this conversation is the idea that we default to passion, but then we have persistence in place as the backup generator for when we run out of passion. We sometimes really want to work on that project, and sometimes we just do it because we know we should, and stuff has gotta get done. A gritty person is able to use both, and tends to finish what they start. People with less grit tend to run out of enthusiasm, and then cannot really find the motivation to follow through.
But it hit me that for this project, I only ever worked on it when I was passionate to do so. I knew that the persistence was there, and I could always draw on it if I needed to, because I was determined to get this project done, but I knew (at least on a subconscious level) that I didn't want that mindset filtering into the work. Because I think I've realized something new about grit - you do your best work, your most creative and sincere, when you are leaning on the passion side of the equation. As soon as it's about a gut check to make your way through it, you're not as genuinely and deeply invested anymore. If you approach your work with any level of professionalism, it will still be of a certain quality, and you'll still be able to be proud of what you've accomplished, but it won't be quite as inspired.
This is not the same as 'phoning it in'. That process leaves you feeling like you need to justify why it is markedly below your usual standard - I have had classes that I taught that were strong (most days, in my estimation), mediocre or worse (those phone it in days - not a lot, but enough that they count), and a handful of inspired days, where I wanted to keep teaching after the bell rang, and where some of the students maybe even wanted to keep going with the lesson. I'm ineffective or modestly effective on those phone it in days, highly effective most of the time, and highly effective +1 on those inspired days.
With teaching, I don't have the luxury of just not working on it for a few weeks if I don't feel all that enthused, but with Stalwart '85 I did - and I took it. There were days (and even weeks this summer), where I was brimming with inspiration; I woke up excited to work on it, and kept tinkering with it long after I was tired and should probably get to bed. This fall, several things got in the way of that - getting back to teaching, then the fall play, and then my diagnosis - that meant I went for weeks at a time without feeling genuinely inspired. So, I waited. I had Christmas break on my mind... if I got to Christmas break without the game finished, then I would start leaning on persistence and wrap it up. Luckily, it never came to that. I had a day of inspiration last week, and a few hours on a few days last week, and then a burst of inspiration this week that got me across the finish line.
I am working on the commissions with the same philosophy. I have started every commission - if you haven't received yours yet, it is because I started to work on it, wasn't feeling it for whatever reason, and I set it aside. If I got yours done, it's because there was some synergy of time and space and a visual in my head and the need to get this done right now that all came together.
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